Total Drama CulDeSac
by Sounds of Snow
Summary: The Eds, their friends from the cul-de-sac, and more have been selected to particiapate in season five of Total Drama. Which child will out last the other and win one million dollars? Who knows. But it will be hilarious watching them beat each other up for the opportunity. Go to my profile to vote for who you want to win.
1. Let the Freak Show Begin Pt 1

**Total Drama Cul-De-Sac  
By: Sounds of Snow**

_Chapter One: Let the Freak Show Begin Pt. 1._

The cameras had been positioned to face Chris McClain on the docks. The few staff that the power hungry T.V. host bothered to hire were overworked, underpaid, and tired, yet they were bonded to the job by unfair contracts and had no choice but to get ready to start filming the next episode.

Just as his make-up artist finished his face work, Chris shoved him aside, hopped out of his chair, and walked in front of the cameras. Chris gave the thumbs up, and the show began rolling. "Welcome one and all to the next season of Total Drama!" Chris announced. "Turns out, the season four losers were even bigger wimps than the first set of teens. They didn't even last more than one season. Also, that island we used got me into a little bit of trouble with the feds, so we had to relocate."

The shot zoomed out and showed large sandy desert, smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Surrounding a small portion of it was a forty foot tall, barbed wire, electric fence. In the center of this small area were three old buildings which looked like they were thrown together to make last minute homeless shelters.

"Like it?" Chris asked. "I'm standing here in the middle of Arizona where we've constructed decent enough places to live for our contestants this season." He walked over to the nearest building. "Each building was constructed over two days with the finest plywood from Wal-Mart and is powered by the electric circuits from a Nintendo 64 port. This fine architecture is guaranteed to last at least six weeks." Chris patted the side of the wall, causing several pieces of wood to collapse from its poorly built frame. "Okay…, maybe less."

"Just like last season, our contestants will be competing for one million dollars." Chris told the cameras. The shot shifted to a pit filled with old bones and rotting meat. Surrounding the pit, were chairs you might find in a regular old elementary school. "Every elimination challenge, our campers will face judgment at the Eating Pit of Doom." He held up a plate piled with jawbreakers. "Whoever is voted off and does not receive a jawbreaker, will be cast into the Eating Pit of Doom, to be carried away by the legendary Thunderbird."

The shot moved from the side of building to a dirt road leading into the camp. "Any minute now, our Tour Bus of Misfortune will be arriving to bring our welcome sixteen contestants to this scenic nowhere. We've selected a bunch of kids from Minnesota to be on our show this year. They're between the ages of ten and thirteen and to be honest, I have no idea why they agreed to sign up after watching four seasons of this messed up show!" A rumbling began and dirt began to shift across the ground. "Hey, that's them now!"

A few moments later, a grinding of wheels was heard and shifting dirt and gravel began to fill the air. The Tour Bus of Misfortune, nothing more than an old school bus with the Total Drama logo on it rolled into the area.

The doors of the bus opened and out stepped a tall and well built kid. He had thin red hair, a backwards baseball cap, a green shirt with baggy pants, and carried with him a bike. "Hey! Kevin, what shaking my man?" Chris asked.

Kevin looked around his environment and stared back at the host with disgust. "You telling me we'll be hanging out in this bum joint 'till we're kicked off?" he asked.

"Totally," Chris replied.

"What a dork move," Kevin muttered. "You already sound like a kind a guy Eddy would hang with."

"You fault dude," Chris replied. "You totally shoulda known what you were getting' yourself into." The kid wheeled his bike and luggage off screen, leaving Chris to introduce the rest of the contestants.

A tiny red headed girl in a tank top and sky blue pants jumped off the bus next. Beside her was an even tinier boy with blondish white hair, a baby blue shirt and white trousers, and a large retainer that held his teeth in place. They carried matching teddy bear backpacks.

"Sarah, Jimmy," Chris said. "Wow. You two are officially the wimpiest contestants yet. You bring a new low that even Katie and Sadie couldn't bring to this show!"

"What'd you call me you low life, lying T.V. show host jerk!" Sarah shouted. Chris jumped back in shock, not expecting such a violent temper from the small girl.

Jimmy began to cry. "Why does everyone mock my pasty complexion and small frame?" Jimmy curled himself up into a ball and began to cry. Sarah picked up the scared child and gave Chris an angry stare.

"Why don'tcha pick on someone your own size, will yah?" Sarah shouted at Chris. She carried the crying boy off screen, leaving a snickering Chris.

"I like her attitude." Chris said to the audience. "Not sure how her motherly affection for the brat's gonna play, but man- her fire is gonna make for some great reality T.V.!"

Next came a tan child with a bald head, abnormally plain and messy clothing, carrying only a hunk of wood with a smiley face drawn on it in crayon. "Johnny, I'm gonna be honest here. When I heard you were actually able to get that Plank thing onto the show as a contestant, I was a bit surprised. I mean, how're we supposed to give a hunk of wood a million dollars if it by some chance wins?"

"Great!" Johnny yelled. "Now me and Plank gotta spend the show with a wood hating host." Johnny held the hunk of wood up to his ear, causing confusion with the host. "Plank says, 'Racist people are the epitome of this world's problems!'"

Johnny huffed at Chris and walked out of the shot. "Um… okay…" Chris said awkwardly.

Next to enter was a tall stocky boy with bluish gray hair and faintly tan skin, a yellow shirt with a single red stripe, and simple jeans. Behind him, he pulled large crate which seemed to be making animal noises as the boy cursed to himself in third person.

"Uh… whatcha got there Rolf?" Chris asked, awkwardly looking at the box.

"Poppycock!" Rolf shrieked, surprising the host. "How is Rolf to run his farm if Rolf does not bring his livestock to the site of the tele-show? I ask you, is it not simple sense?" Rolf grunted and continued pulling his box with him.

"Yah… I don't know about that kid…" Chris muttered. He looked up towards the bus. "And here comes our trio of misfits!"

Out of the bus stumbled a skinny boy with a pasty complexion, overly sanitized and dull clothes, and a large beanie hat; a tiny boy in a yellow polo with chained jeans and thin brown hair; and a tall and dim looking child with an oversized green coat and a body odor capable of knocking out a horse.

"Ed, Eddward…, and Eddy?" Chris said, sort of unsure if what he said was right. "Did you parents have any originality or creativity when naming you?"

"My mom made sure I packed my finest underwear!" Ed shouted randomly. He reached into his gym bag which he'd brought with him and pulled out one pair of underwear. "See! And the only clean pair it was." Ed smiled dumbly and pulled a chunk of buttered toast from inside his bag and began to munch on it.

Chris McClain looked at the boy with digust. "I think I would've preferred Owen to this guy." Chris stated.

"Salutations," Eddward said, introducing himself to Chris. He slipped a rubber glove over his right and shook hands with the host of the show. "I'm Eddward, or as my friends call me, Double D." he introduced. "It's a pleasure to be on this show, but I'd hope our… accommodations… are better than those of previous seasons."

"Oh yah, you crib is over there." Chris replied, pointing at the mess of wooden boards in the background.

"Oh dear," Double D whispered. "Judging by the type of wood used, structural design, and choice of location; we'll be lucky to have those buildings last a week."

"Well aren't you the smart one," Chris said. "Now move it shrimp, this is twenty-two minute show!" Chris commanded, shoving Double D out of his way.

Eddy strutted into the cameras proudly, acting as if he'd already won. "Chris baby," Eddy said smoothly. "You and I both know that's ten times better than the rest of these losers on this barren scrap of land, so just hand me the check and we can keep this show down to one episode."

"Not likely." Chris replied. "Besides, the longer you twerps stay here, the more I can torture you and make you wish you weren't here."

"Please!" Eddy shouted. "I've seen your stupid show. I could do these challenges in my sleep."

"Oh really tough guy," Chris asked. "My guess is you'll be gone within the first three episodes."

"Oh yah, well I'll prove you dead wrong!" Eddy retorted. "Ed!" The boy with the green jacket came rocketing towards his tiny pal. "Carry me off towards the losers over there."

"Camel express four-one-one is here Eddy," Ed replied, laying down on all fours. Eddy jumped on and Ed began to gallop towards the other recently arrived campers.

Next off the bus were three more girls. They all dressed hand-me-down clothes, and wore check nail polish and makeup. Noticeably, one girl had curly red hair which covered her eyes and was taller than the rest, one girl had bluish gray hair and was shorter and tanner than the others, and the last girl had long iron damaged blonde hair and large buck teeth.

"Lee, Marie, May; how goes it with your…" Chris tried to look for the right word, looking at the grotesque girls. "Um… fashion?"

Lee craned her neck and stared at her surroundings. "What're yah givin' me for?" she asked Chris. "This dump ain't any better than our trailer park."

"Way tah go May!" Marie shouted towards her blonde sibling. "You booked us for a show with no decent place to sleep."

"Maybe if you watched this stupid show, you'd know it was a crummy deal!" May replied, lisping her words.

"It ain't all bad girls," Lee said with a smile. "They brought us a couple of hotties." The other two looked around and spotted three Eds, trying to hide behind the rest of the group.

"It's our boyfriends!" May yelled with excitement.

"Come 'ere muffin top." Marie called to the kid with the beanie. "Wanna split a million dollars with a fancy dame like me?"

"KANKERS!" The Eds all screamed in fear. The three boys tried to run from their newly arrived stalkers as the Kankers chased after then with great speed and passion. The girls began shouting mushy words and phrases at their _"boyfriends"_ as they ran in fear.

"Wow, I've seen a lot of love triangles on this show, but that is just pushing it." Chris said. "Okay, let's see our next contestant; Nazz!" A stunning girl in a two layer tank-top and shirt, with short golden hair, and wowing blue eyes walked off the bus, carrying two duffels with her.

"Whoa!" Chris exclaimed. "That- Is- SOMETHING!"

"Hey dudes." Nazz glanced around the desert and spotted the fragile structures in the background. "Whoa, did you guys get like- budget cuts or something?" she asked.

"Nah," the host replied. "It's just really hard getting money to build you guys stuff when I have to get to my place out here."

"Where are you staying?" Nazz asked.

"My crib is down fifty k' that way." Chris replied, pointing towards the mountains down the long dusty road in the far distance. "It takes a lot of fuel to commute here and there, so we have to give you all only the essentials."

"So what- you're just gonna leave us with terrible living conditions." Nazz asked.

"Hey, do you want a chance at the million or not, sweetheart?" Chris asked sternly.

Nazz sighed, "Whatever." She picked up her bags and wandered over towards Kevin, blushing as she stood next to him.

"And here comes-"

"Wait a second!" Eddy interrupted Chris, prying himself out of Lee's grip. "This is everyone from the cul-de-sac. Who else is there?"

"I'm glad you asked." Chris replied. "See, we needed sixteen kids for this show, and even with that wooden board, we only got thirteen contestants. So I did some more advertising in the Peach Creek – Lemon Brook area, and found three more kids." Almost psychically, another bus rolled up just as Chris finished talking. Three kids exited the old doorway.

One was a tall boy who sported a football jersey, cargo pants, short cut blonde hair, and a Lemon Brook Jr. High gym bag. Another was a skinny boy with a light tan, a fancy suit, a fancy hair cut, and ten Italian briefcases. Lastly was a girl with dark skin, braided hair, a silky red dress, and glasses.

"This is Jack," Chris introduced pointing at the athletic boy, "Benedict," he continued while pointing at the rich looking boy, "and Hope." He finished, addressing the dark skinned girl.

"Hey!" Kevin yelled at jack. "I know you! You play for the Lemon Brook football team."

"Oh?" Jack responded sarcastically. "The one that kicks your school to curb every year- oh right that is us."

"What're you doing here?" Kevin snorted with anger.

"Well, a million dollars would be nice," Jack replied. "But a chance to see you kicked off before me would be a nice consolation."

"Too bad you're gonna get neither." Kevin replied, puffing his chest out. "I'm going for the cash and there ain't a thing you can do to stop me."

"Hah!" Eddy laughed. "Don't waste your breathe, shovel-chin. That goes double for you, Jacky-boy. I'm gonna win the mullah then split if with Ed and Double D for some luscious jawbreakers."

Kevin and Jack took one look at Eddy and burst into laughs. "Yah right, half-pint," Jack jeered. "Tell yah what, though. You can keep all the spare change from T.V.s, consoles, and sports equipment I'm gonna buy."

"I already own twenty times what all of you are going to intend on buying." Benedict said flatly, pulling at an extraordinary amount of cash as proof. "Father simply sent me here as a chance to interact with other children; foolish man. He should know by now that money is a man's best friend." Benedict then went to counting the bills in his hand one by one.

"Plank says that that wad of cash was his brother." Johnny shrieked.

"Oh?" Benedict asked, looking at the piece of wood. "How unfortunate," he muttered before carelessly going back to count his cash.

The girl surveyed her newly acquired cast, before locking eyes with someone who was actually familiar to her. "Eddward?" Hope asked curiously.

"Hope?" Double D replied in equal shock.

"You know that chick?" Eddy asked.

"I love chickens!" Ed yelled.

"Hope is in my advanced chemistry class back in school." Double D told Eddy. "I didn't know you too had signed up for this barbaric game show." Double D said to Hope.

"Well, law school isn't cheap, you know." Hope said nervously. "I've decided to win to better benefit my studies."

"It's good to know we came here for similar reasons." Double D said to her.

Johnny held Plank up to his ear. "Plank says that those two were made for each other!" Double D and Hope blushed.

"Hey baby sister!" Ed called to Sarah.

Sarah twisted her head towards Ed. "Ugh! What is it stupid and gullible older brother?" she asked with disgust.

"Do you think we'll both be in the final-" Ed paused. He began to motion with his fingers, trying to count up to the right number. "A- seven- three- B- Q- Double V- ten- X-" Ed went on like that for about another thirty seconds. "Two?" Ed finished, holding up eight fingers.

Sarah laughed. "Yah right Ed!" She put her arm around Jimmy. "Me and Jimmy are gonna be in the final two."

"Oh." Ed said back. "How about the final-" Ed repeated the same process he'd used to get to two. "Three?" He asked.

"Sure Ed." Sarah grumbled. "Whatever you wanna tell yourself."

"Hooray!" Ed chanted proudly. "Time to celebrate with buttered toast and some jam gravy donuts!"

"Maybe later, Ed." Chris corrected. "Right now, it's time to head to the mess hall. And before that, a commercial break. See you in a flash on-" As Chris spoke, the shot flashed out to get a larger view of the surroundings. "**Total- Drama- Cul-De-Sac!**" For a moment, the shot stayed the same, but flashed out just as Chris said, "Seriously? Who picked this title?"

The commercial break ended and the picture returned to show the mess hall. The building was a worn apart and tattered building which made Camp Wawanakwa's dining area look like a safe haven. Like at the old location, there were two tables for the contestants, a serving counter, and a large kitchen which expanded behind the serving counter.

Behind a serving counter was large brutish man with dark skin, no hair, and a terrible personality. "My name is Chef Hatchet!" the man yelled at the sixteen new contestants. "I will serve you food three times, and you either eat it, or go hungry!" Chef shouted.

"That's chipper with me, boss." Ed replied.

"What was that?" Chef snarled. "So you want food huh? Well here yah go!" Chef grabbed a large barrel full of what appeared to be a pasty protein substitute, and dumped it all over the dumb child.

What Chef didn't expect was to see the boy downing the food as though it were a dish for the gods. "Yum," Ed degreed through a mouthful of slop. "Can you make gravy cakes?" Chef frowned and went back into the kitchen. He returned with two small baskets that were filled with fruit. He placed them onto the table on the right.

Chris walked in front of the table with bowl filled with slips of paper. "I'm going to be drawing you names from this bowl, one by one." Chris explained. "Behind me are two baskets; one filled with peaches, the other filled with lemons. When I call your name, come up and pick a fruit of your choice."

Chris dug into the bowl and retrieved a slip of paper. "Sarah."

Sarah walked over to the peach basket and withdrew a peach. She glanced over at the lemon basket and remarked, "Ugh! Who'd choose a lemon?"

"Just go stand over on the left side of the room." Chris directed. Sarah strutted over to the other side of the room and leaned against the wall with her fruit.

Chris grabbed for another slip of paper. "Rolf."

"In the old country, those who choose sweet over sour are to be pronounced as babies for life, so Rolf will take the lemon." Rolf explained. He grabbed a lemon and was directed to the right side of the room.

"Lee." Lee grabbed a peach and joined Sarah.

"Double D." he too chose a peach and went to the left.

"Nazz." The blonde girl chose the peach and joined those on the left side of the room.

"Jack." Jack walked over to the baskets. For a moment, he thought of choosing a lemon, but the beauty that was Nazz caught his attention. He smiling, believing he could score points with her if they were both on the same team, so he picked the peach and joined what were now five people on the left side of the room.

"For the sake of Nana, will no one not be a baby and choose a lemon!" Rolf exclaimed, sulking on the right side of the room alone.

Chris snatched another piece of paper from the basket. "Hope." He announced. The girl waltzed over to the two baskets.

"I've never much cared for peaches." Hope said to no one in particular. "Too sweet- I guess I'll join Rolf." She picked up a lemon and departed for the right side of the room.

"Finally, smart Double D Ed-boy doppelganger girl has come to her wits." Rolf said triumphantly. "Your quintet of shame on the other side is weak. Bask in your humiliation, vegans of manliness!"

The five on the left side of the room gave Rolf a blank stare. "It's just fruit, dude." Nazz said to Rolf.

Chris dug into his bowl for another slip. "Jimmy." Chris announced. The small boy walked over the baskets and stared at both, unsure what to pick.

"Sarah!" Jimmy called to friend. "I don't know what to pick."

"Pick the peach Jimmy." Sarah advised. "We can be together."

Jimmy's face lit up. "Okay." He said happily. He picked up the sweet fruit and skipped happily to Sarah. The two embraced together in a warm hug.

"Ed."

"Peaches for Ed!" Ed called. He dashed over to the bowl and began rubbing one of the peaches against his face. "I like the way it feels like fuzzy to my face." Ed announced.

"Just go over to the left side." Chris ordered, annoyed. Ed galloped stupidly to the left side of the room. Chris drew another sheet. "Plank."

Johnny held Plank up to his ear. "Plank says, 'Lemons are good for disinfecting.'"

Chris gave Johnny an uncaring look. "What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," Johnny replied. "But I guess Plank wants a lemon." Johnny grabbed a lemon and set the sour fruit and his wooden board friend by the right wall with Rolf and Hope.

"May." Chris called.

"I wanna be with big Ed!" May yelled excitedly. She picked a peach and ran to the right wall next to Ed.

"Wait a second." Double D realized. "I only counted eight fruit in each basket. How can you continue this if all that's left is lemons?"

"Like this," Chris explained. "Everyone who's left can grab a lemon and report to the right wall with Rolf, Hope, and Plank."

"Wait a second," Eddy interrupted. "We don't even get a choice?"

"Nope," Chris replied. "Now do what I say or you're off the show."

"But I want to be with my man-hunk!" Marie complained, referring to Double D.

"Yah, and I wanna be with Eddy." Lee griped.

"Do what I say or you're off my show!" Chris reinforced.

The sides split and eight kids lined each wall. The left side commanding peaches and the right side armed with lemons.

"Now, those who have peaches; Sarah, Lee, Double D, Nazz, Jack, Jimmy, Ed, and May- you're from this point forward, Team Peach Creek!" said Chris. He tossed them a flag which was entirely red except for a lone orange peach which was smack dab in the middle.

"Now, those who have lemons; Rolf, Hope, Plank, Johnny, Marie, Kevin, Eddy, and Benedict- you're Team Lemon Brook!" Chris announced. He tossed them a flag which was completely blue except for a bright red lemon in the middle.

"Nice originality." Kevin stated. "What did it take you, two seconds of research, to come up with these clever team names?"

"Shut it," Chris said. "It's time to introduce another feature of this show, the confessional."

The cameras went to static and cut back to a different location.

**Confessional – Chris:** _Chris stood in what appeared to be the ribcage of some long deceased whale which might have once swam through this desert. He looked into the camera and began to talk. "Like past seasons, we've brought in the confessional as a factor. Inside this animal carcass, you will be free to speak as you wish, and may I say, it stinks in here." He finished as he covered his nose and fled._

**Confessional – Eddy:** _"Just my luck," Eddy said, looking disappointedly into the camera. "I'm stuck on a team with shovel-chin! I can't work with that jerk. He'll mess up everything and constantly make us lose." Eddy's mood shifted. "Not that that matters. The handsome Eddy is in the house. My team loves me too much to vote me off."_

**Confessional – Double D:** _"Filthy, filthy, filthy!" Double D shrieked while covered with a gas mask, a face shield, rubber gloves, and a wet suit. "FILTHY, FILTHY, FILTHY!"_

**Confessional – Jimmy:** _"Sarah promised me we'd make it to the final two," Jimmy told the camera while clutching a stuffed rabbit. "Mr. Yum-yum and I are so excited. I could just piggy on all the creampuffs I brought right now."_

**Confessional – Ed_:_**_ Ed was happily munching on a box of creampuffs which had no doubt come from Jimmy's bag. "I got visited by the Danish fairy." Ed said through a mouthful of dough and whipped cream._

**Confessional – May:** _"I get to be on the same team as Ed." She said giddily. "This is the best day of my life."_

**Confessional – Benedict:** _"The living conditions here are absolutely outrageous. I'd call my father to have him suspend me from this competition, if then executives hadn't suspended my phones, pagers, and internet connectable devices." Benedict explained. "I feel as though I'm being clustered in by these rapscallions."_

The shot fell to static again and cut back to the competitors, eating their fruits as they sat and waited for Chris. The left table housed Team Peach Creek and the right housed Team Lemon Brook. At Peach Creek's table, it was uncomfortably silent, while Team Lemon Brook still had yet to stop arguing.

"So," Double D began, trying to break the eerie silence his team was having. "I say we should come up with a strategy to crush the other team."

"But we don't even know the challenge yet," Nazz stated.

"Why should we even care what the challenge is?" Jack asked. All eyes on the team diverted to their sporty teammate. "Just look at the other team. Kevin and the midget kid keep fighting, the bald guy talks to a piece of wood, Benedict isn't anything but a rich kid who's been cut off from his funds, that black girl has no physical attributes, and Rolf and Marie are just strange." Everyone nodded at most of these statements. "We could crush this team in our sleep."

Everyone cheered in agreement with a newfound boosted confidence, all except for Double D. "Even still, I think we should at least go in with a rough cut battle plan." He argued.

"Just keep my boyfriend and his little playmate fighting." Lee suggested. "They'll be a distraction for the whole team."

"I like the way you think, Lee." Jack replied, very impressed. "To think I misjudged you as just some random junky from downscale waste yard." He whispered. Unfortunately, Lee happened to have keen ears.

"What was that last part punk?" Lee asked in a threatening manner.

"Yah, you got something to say to my sister?" May continued, backing her sister up.

"No, no ladies! We're a team, and that's how we'll stay." Jack said. "We're gonna conquer whatever Chris has got to throw at us."

"Plus with big Ed around, we're sure to win." May added, snaking her arm around Ed.

"Ah!" Ed screamed. "I've been infected by a Kanker's infested skin from the bowels of Cinderella." Ed's roar brought the whole team into a fit of awkward silence.

"Jeepers Sarah, Ed is giving me the spooks." Jimmy shivered. Sarah pulled Jimmy into a hug.

"It's okay Jimmy." Sarah comforted. She turned to her brother. "ED!" She yelled. "If you scare Jimmy one more time I'm gonna throttle you like chew toy!"

"No Sarah! No chew toy! No Kanker! Bad for Ed! Bad for Ed!" Ed chanted as he began to dash around the mess hall in fear.

"My brother the idiot," Sarah mumbled.

The shot changed to the confessional.

**Confessional – Jack:** _"So my team has potential, but we're still kind of a mess. I can fix that. Besides, what could go wrong?"_

**Confessional – Rolf_:_**_ Rolf was staring blanking at the camera. "What is this? Is this a joke?" Rolf observed the camera with an almost scary look of anger and curiosity. "You stealing Rolf's soul with your film box?" Rold then punched the camera, turning the picture into static._

Meanwhile, on the other side of the hall, Kevin and Eddy were locked in a fierce griping session. "Listen here, dorky! I'm the captain of this team and if you wanna stay on this team you're gonna do what I say, when I say. Got it dorko?"

"You listen here Kev," Eddy retorted. "You're just a blabbermouth biker who doesn't have any brains or strategy. If you wanna see yourself get anywhere in this show, then you're gonna listen to me. Any questions?"

"Yah. What makes you so special, other than your dwarfism?" Kevin asked.

"Why is your head big enough to replace a sewer cap?" Eddy snapped.

"I'm the leader here!"

"I call bull on that!"

"Your opinion doesn't mean anything, dork!"

"Shut it shovel-chin!"

"Oh my god, all they do is fight!" Marie groaned. "This team's a load of bologna if yah ask me."

"If we pull ourselves together and seize arguing, we may have a chance." Hope contradicted.

"That is a doubtful notion." Benedict replied. "Our team has only two real civilized human beings, you and me, Hope. The rest of us are slobs, lunatics, and deranged barbarians. The other team is equipped with sports players, leaders, geniuses, and those of great power. We are simply inadequate."

"If we keep talking like that, then of course we will be." Hope told him. "But if we can band together, we may just succeed."

"Rolf agrees with the words of Double D Ed-boy doppelganger girl." Rolf agreed. "Where Rolf is from, men of brotherhood band together during goatsenslacking and build the greatest fritter for the town!"

Hope awkwardly replied, "Yes well… I'm sure that was encouraging."

"Plank says it was the second most moving thing he ever heard." Johnny stated.

"I sure didn't feel a thing." Marie groaned. "This sucks, big time."

"That's what yah get for being a sour puss." Johnny told Marie.

Marie turned red and glared angrily at the strange boy. "Say that again and I'll tear that board of yours in half!"

"No!" Johnny shouted while defense guarding Plank. "You can't. Uh… you'll be short a player!"

"News flash baldy, it's a hunk of wood." Marie snorted. "We're already short a player." Johnny huffed and turned away from Marie, leaving her to sulk. At that very moment, Chris came back into the mess hall.

"Kick it into high gear people." Chris shouted. "It's time for our challenge!"

**(Just because Jimmy is out doesn't mean you cannot vote for him as most deserving to win in my poll. I might bring contestants back later in the season, so who knows? Anything is possible...)**

**(P.S. I am going to be doing a rotation schedule. I will on a chapter of Ed, Edd n Eddy's Quest for the Pure Hearts, then I will work on one chapter of Total Drama Cul-De-Sac, and continue like that on a rotation schedule for my writing.)**


	2. Let the Freak Show Begin Pt 2

**Total Drama Cul-De-Sac By: Sounds of Snow**

_Chapter Two: Let the Freak Show Begin Pt. 2._

Chris got the thumbs up from his camera man and began announcing a recap of the previous events into the camera. "Previously on Total Drama Cul-De-Sac." The picture beamed away to a bunch of flashbacks. "We were introduced to this season's bunch of Total Drama misfits, and man, did they have some serious problems." Various clips of the sixteen contestants exiting the bus are shown. "Teams were chosen and early alliances and enemies were formed." First clips of the kids picking the fruits are shown, followed by Jack making his encouraging speech and Kevin and Eddy as well as Marie and Johnny fighting. The shot was beamed back to Chris. "With a challenge on the way, we're bound to be heading for a serious train wreck. More fun for me." Chris cast a devilish smile and rubbed his hands together devilishly. He regain his composure. "All this and more to come on, Total- Drama- Cul-De-Sac!" with each new word of the show's title that Chris introduced, the camera zoomed out.

After a delay from the minute opening, the show went straight back to where it had just left off. Chris kicked open the doors of the mess hall, surprising all its inhabitants with the arrival of the show's host. "Kick it into high gear people." Chris shouted. "It's time for our challenge!" Confusion overwhelmed the children's faces.

"What?" Lee spat. "But I ain't done eating my peach yet."

"We haven't been here an hour and you're already commencing to the torture?" Hope asked.

"This is whack!" Eddy argued. "I need preparation and beauty sleep." Eddy leaned his chair back like a fifty greaser kid and smiled a confident grin. "Two gorgeous folks like should know the labors of looking good- Whoa!" Eddy felt himself teeter too far, as his chair tumbled backwards like a seesaw.

"Don't push you luck, Shorty," Chris murmured. "Actually, this won't be your real challenge." Chris announced to the competitors. "Whichever team wins this event will get an advantage over the other team in the actual elimination challenge."

Johnny held the board of wood which was his friend, up to his ear. "Plank bets the prize is a bottle of wood varnish." Everyone (save for Ed) gave him an exaggerated look which seemed to shriek 'Yah right!'

"Well what is the prize?" Marie whined, demanding an answer.

"You've all seen this show." Chris answered. "You know I like to hold things out for a surprise." He chuckled and continued. "Meet me by the Eating Pit of Doom, elimination central, in twenty minutes." The teams replied with a blank stare and an uncomfortable silence.

"We have no idea where that is." Sarah said frankly, breaking the silence.

"Yah can't miss it." Chris replied. "Just go behind those wooden shacks you're staying in. You should find it." Chris gave one last friendly wave. "Buh, bye!" He calmly exited the building, followed by Chef, leaving sixteen confused contestants.

The show faded to static and cut to the confessional cam.

**Confessional – Marie:** _"I've been on this show for twenty minutes and already I get the sour end of the bargain." Marie whined. "First I don't get a team with Double D or my sisters, hippie wood kid starts badgering me like a freak, and now I can't get a straight answer! What is it with these people?"_

**Confessional – Rolf:** _Rolf's face was jabbing directly into the camera, observing it like a scientist. "Rolf does not see you, but he knows you hide your shame within your tiny walls you impish drawing box operator!"_

**Confessional – Plank:** _Plank laid still a top a pile of decaying flesh while outside, Johnny could be heard calling, "Stick it to 'em, Plank. Tell those people back home a real nailbiter."_

The shot dissolved and returned to the children all lined up behind their cabins near a pit which was about thirty feet deep, twenty feet in circumference, and covered in snakes, spiders, rats, centipedes, ear wigs, and many other kinds of disgusting desert creatures. The mass of vermin had to be at least two feet deep.

"Normally, this would be the Eating Pit of Doom, but we've renovated it specifically for this challenge. I call this new and improved baby, the Pit of Arachnophobia." Chris explained, throwing a piece of meat into the hole, only for it to disintegrate upon contact with the bugs.

"Those toxins and secretions from the arachnids, insects, reptilians, mammalian vermin and other sorts of organisms have eaten away at the meat's enzymes, lipids, and chemical structure in nearly three seconds flat!" Double D explained.

"That would be correct, oh so nerdy contestant," Chris replied. "This first challenge will require six people from each team. Three will repel into the pit to look for six 'prizes' to aid them in their elimination challenge, while another three will hold the rope to lower them down using their teeth."

"Did you say teeth?" May asked. "Cause I ain't ruining my teeth with no stupid rope."

"Save it May, your teeth are already a hot mess." Lee snapped.

"Like your hair is any better." May lisped.

"What did you say?" Lee groaned.

"Shush!" Chris shouted. "I still have more to say. You're not allowed to be withdrawn from the pit unless you find at least one item. Now go and pick your six victi-" Chris paused, realizing what he was about to say by the looks on the campers' faces. "I mean… your six participants and get ready to suit up for the dive." The shot then diverted to static and went to the confessionals.

**Confessional – Jimmy:** _"I don't wanna go into that pit." Jimmy cried. "It's so horrible! I can't go in there with those creepy crawlies. Wah-hah-hah!" Jimmy bent over and began to sob into his sleeve._

**Confessional – Benedict:** _The snooty child was busy typing into an old fashioned data calculator. He looked up to the camera and said, "Don't mind me. Just busy thinking up monetary bargains for proposed lawsuits against said man, Chris McClain and his latest reality show."_

The camera diverted back the pit where the two teams were busy trying to decide which of their team should attempt the death defying stunt. Team Lemon Brook was in a frivolous argument as to who should go down into the pit.

"I'll be a rope holder." Hope volunteered. "Anyone object." The group shook their heads. "Thanks guys, I'm terrified of bugs and snakes. Who's gonna join me?"

"I've got the muscles here. Even my teeth are ripped," Kevin bragged, showing off his molers. "I'll be a ."

"I say Plank should go." Benedict proposed. "It's a piece of carpentry which I don't think will be missed if it is mutilated by the horrors in that chamber of creatures."

"No way!" Johnny argued, hugging his wooden board best friend. "Plank swears he say termites in there! TERMITES!"

"Why would we send Plank?" Eddy asked. "The stupid thing won't get us anything."

"Oh, and you're so willing to take the dive of death?" Kevin rebutted.

Eddy grew a wide, smug grin. "I just assumed my team would be willing to take this one so I could tackle even harder challenges."

"Rolf believes that the wishes to be rich Ed-boy has gone scared willy nilly over a few garden nuisances." Rolf mocked. "Or is the Ed-boy is too cock-a-doodle doo to join Rolf in a quest to help our team flourish?"

"Uh-uh!" Eddy remarked. "I could do this thing in my sleep, way faster than shovel-chin." Eddy said as he pointed to Kevin.

"Great, so it's Rolf, Dorky, and Johnny in the pit." Kevin summed up.

"What; why me?" Johnny asked.

"It's either you or your hunk of bug food, yah creep," Marie snarled.

Johnny gripped Plank defensively and gave a half-hearted sigh. "All right, all right… I'll go into the Pit of Arachnophobia…"

"Good," Marie huffed. "Now while you guys have fun, I'll be tanning in the shade of that shack over there," Marie explained, pointing towards the poorly constructed dorms.

"Me too," Benedict said. "I need to figure out sales revenue from the past three income growths this year." The two turned away to go lounge, when Kevin furiously gripped their arms, preventing the two from leaving.

"Why should you two get a break?" Kevin questioned. "We need one of you two on duty. Plank's not exactly gonna cut it for us."

"If you haven't noticed, I'm terribly busy with stocks and bonds." Benedict snubbed, making Kevin release his grip, wandering off to leave his team to their current affairs.

"That leaves you," Kevin directed to Marie. "So get over there yah lazy Kanker and gear up."

"Why don't yah make me work?" Marie replied.

"I'm not letting wood compete over an actual person." Kevin snarled.

"It's gonna take more than threats to get me to sing, yah jock," Marie answered. The two gave each other an intense and angry stare.

Meanwhile, over on Team Peach Creek, negotiations were happening a bit smoother. Jack and Double D were calmly directing their team into their orderly positions. Double D stood before a chart he'd recently drawn, indicating who was appropriate to do what. "Jack, May, and Sarah have been determined to be the most useful rope biters, due to strength, fierce personality, and strong oral hygiene." Double D explained. He pointed to another section of chart.

"Ed, Lee, and I will submerse ourselves in the pit of vermin." Double D continued. "Ed's stench should kill any critters which recede too close to him, Lee will most likely pummel all of the bugs in her path, and I have come prepared with a sterile government approved nuclear blast suit, suitable to protect me from the harsh environment of the pit." Double D looked over to Nazz and Jimmy. "Nazz, Jimmy; unfortunately, your compatibility with this challenge is majorly lacking and thus, you two will sit out."

"Well that's a relief," Nazz said. "Glad I'm not going down there."

"Nice job, smart guy," Jack praised Double D, patting him on the shoulder. "Who knew you were so bright."

"Yes, well…" Double D smiled. "I based these findings on basic compatibility tests with certain skills and environmental factors being filed into consideration."

"No idea what that means, but smart thinking dude," Jack told his teammate.

"Did me and Ed show up in your compatibility test, Double D," May asked, giving Ed a soft, loving gaze.

"Ah!" Ed lurched in fear. He began to run around, screaming his head off. "Kanker bad for Ed, Kanker bad for Ed!" he chanted.

"Come back here love muffin," May called, chasing after her alleged 'boyfriend'.

"So who's dropping me to my death?" Lee asked Double D.

Double D scanned the bottom of his chart. "Based on our current weight and jaw hinge stability, I've concluded that Sarah should lower me, Jack should lower you Lee, and unfortunately, May should lower Ed." Ed's heart sunk as he heard Double D say the last four words.

The shot moved. The teams were suited up and each was ready to find some rewards. On Team Peach Creek, Double D was held by Sarah, Lee by Jack, and Ed by May. On Team Lemon Brook, Johnny was ironically held by Plank, Rolf by Hope, and surprisingly, Eddy by Kevin, which obviously Kevin's idea.

Before the action, the show dashed to a quick confessional shot.

**Confessional – Kevin:** _"So I may mess with Eddy this round, no harm done." Kevin confidently told the viewing audience. "I've got at least four votes before I risk elimination; Plank, Eddy, Marie, and Benedict. Maybe Hope, Johnny, and Rolf might try vote me off after those dweebs are gone, so I just gotta get on their good side. Plank's useless, no one likes Marie and Benedict, and with Eddy's loser pals on the other team, he's got no one on his side. I could last on this show forever."_

The action reverted back to where it had left off. The shot was on Chris, a megaphone ready and on hand. He clicked the speaker button, then announced. "Alright people, this is it. On your marks, get set, lower!"

The set group of kids began to climb into the abysmal pit, while the other furiously gripped the rope in their mouths, furiously clenching and loosening their jaws in order to keep their partner from falling face first into the pests in the hole.

Kevin, caring none of Eddy's safety, simply opened his mouth as Eddy was halfway down into the pit, letting the tiny child fall into the hands of many deadly species. "Whoops, sorry dorky. Hahaha!" Kevin laughed as Eddy began screaming in the swarms of poisonous critters in the pit.

"Not cool dude," Hope stuttered, her voice muffled by the rope in her mouth. "Why don't cha-" Unfortunately, Hope opened her mouth just a bit too wide, let the rope, and Rolf, slip from her grasp.

"Smart Double D Ed-boy doppelganger girl, you've earned the rank of nincompoop for your misuse of word timing!" Rolf cried up to Hope.

"Oops." Hope muttered.

Johnny looked at Plank, to whom he was harnessed to. "You got my back, right buddy?" He waited cautiously, as if expecting an answer. Then, Johnny smiled. "Gee, it's a good thing I got you to build my confidence." Johnny crouched before the Pit of Arachnophobia. "Ready buddy," He glanced at Plank. "Okey, dokey Plank." Johnny leaped into the pit of vermin, dragging his wooden board friend with him. A crash was heard followed by Johnny's screams of, "Plank! Hold on, I'll save you!"

In the shade of the shack like building, Marie and Benedict glanced uncaringly at their team. "Pitiful." Benedict uttered.

"We're so screwed." Marie noted, adjusting her tanning mirror.

Team Peach Creek was moving along smoothly. Double D, Lee, and Ed were lowered rather quickly, as had begun searching for the buried items effortlessly. The bugs stayed clear of Ed's filthy demeanor which even the maggots wouldn't touch, Lee squashed and destroyed every living creature that came with two inches of her, and Double D's nuclear radiation suit kept him relatively comfortable in the swarms of knee deep pests.

As Lee continued to stomp on every single creature in sight, she felt her foot collide with a heavy, dense object. "Yowch!" she yelled as her toes collided with the item. "What the heck?" Lee stuck her arm into the pool of parasites, fishing around for what she'd smashed into. Then, from the soup of animals, she snagged a large brass jug. Realizing she'd found one of the required objects, she tugged on her rope, and Jack forcefully pulled her back to the surface, grimace as he practically had to eat the rope to reel the girl back in.

"Nicely done Lee," Chris congratulated as he walked towards the monstrous girl. "You found the first object to help you in part two. Now, you can either rest up here, or continue looking for helpful necessities for your team."

"You kidding?" Lee asked. "This job's a piece of cake." She then did a cannonball back into the pit.

"No wait!" Jack cried. "The rope is still in my mou-" Before he could finish, the rope violently skidded across his tongue and gums, causing rope burn and lots of bleeding. Chris snickered at Jack and began to laugh.

"Whoa, sucks for you, man." Chris heckled. "I think Chef could probably fix that." Behind him, Chef was grinning evilly and waving a bottle of alcohol and a lemon Clorox wipe dispenser. Jack's face went terribly pale. The picture shifted to the confessional.

**Confessional – Lee:** _Lee gave a cocky smile to the camera. "It wasn't too hard being down there. You could animals ten times as worse in your freezer down in the trailer park. Whose Chris fooling, this ain't hard."_

The show refocused itself to Double D, who was busy peering through the mess of rats and bugs and such with his diver like suit. He felt his way across the ground, until he sensed his gloved fingers brush against a long narrow object. Using what little strength he had, he forced the object off the ground, revealing a shovel. "My lord, I think I've found a component to this challenge."

Beside him, Lee had found her second item. It appeared to be a tubular device with a crooked and pointy end. "The heck is this thing?"

"That Lee is a spiel." Double D answered. "It is a device most commonly used for extraction of syrup from maple trees."

"Yum," Ed chimed. More static occurred as the picture revealed another confessional.

**Confessional – Hope:** _"So Team Peach Creek was just on this roll." Hope explained. "They'd found three out of six things, and we had jack squat." Hope sighed. "My team just can't seem to agree on how to do anything. All we did was fight."_

The shot changed back to Ed, who'd just found to more items; a humidifier and a map of sorts. Ed examined the map like a hawk. "Hey Double D," Ed shouted. He showed his friend the map. "Does this tell you how to find chickens?"

"Hardly," Double D replied, snatching the map. "It's a location block, showing the major seasonal water sources of this region."

"Nonsense Double D," Ed replied. "That has nothing to do with maple syrup."

Meanwhile Kevin, frustrated with Eddy's cries, grabbed the rope with his teeth and began to walk backwards slowly. Once Eddy had risen from the pit, clearly covered in stings, rat bites, scratches, and cuts; he was yelled at by Kevin who started picking on the Ed for no reason.

"Come on dorkette, are yah gonna be a team player and make a stand or not." Eddy barely blinked at the jock. "Come on! Are yah gonna help of not. I mean, look at Rolf down there." He pointed to the foreign boy, who was currently snorkeling in the creatures as if they were water. "All you got to show for us is-" Kevin yanked a loose stick from his shirt. "-a tree branch. How's that supposed to help?"

"And our challenge ends," Chris announced. "All six hidden objects have been proclaimed." At that announcement, Johnny scampered out of the pit, using his bare hands to claw his way from the hole. Upon his surfacing, he proclaimed of Plank's safety. All the others were hauled from the pit with the help of their teammates.

"What are you talking about?" Marie yelled from her shaded chair, confused as to what Chris meant. "All I saw our team snatch was a stick."

"That's right." Chris replied. "To be more specific: a dowsing rod."

"A what," Sarah asked.

"I see a correlation here," Double D exclaimed. "All these items we've procured, they're all used to make or find water."

"Right you are Double D," Chris replied. "Today's challenge is to create six gallons of water for tonight's dinner. First team to accomplish this wins invincibility."

"But they have a humidifier, a shovel, a jug, a spiel, and a freaking map to top it all off!" Marie whined. "And we have a stick! What kind of cruel joke is this?"

"Looks like someone is dissatisfied with an inadequate team," Sarah taunted mockingly. "Wah, wah!" Sarah called, mimicking a crying sound.

"You stick it to 'em girlfriend," Jimmy cheered. "Tell those losers business."

"Oh buzz off, Fluffy," Kevin replied in a threatening manner. Jimmy backed off nervously.

"So what are the specifics with this challenge?" Nazz asked.

"For starters, you have eight hours," Chris replied. "If neither team reaches the six gallon mark within that time, we'll just measure how much each team collected. The water has to be completely pure, and you can only use what I've given you for your tasks and whatever else you can make with nature."

"Plank says, 'You're a screwy one to give them all the advantages.'" Johnny told the host.

"Well I say, PLANK IS STUPID!" Chris shouted back. "Now as for Jack and Eddy," Chris announced. "Their injuries are serious, but not life threatening. Bummer…"

"Bummer?" Nazz exclaimed.

"Yah, I know right." Chris replied, misinterpreting Nazz. "They're in the infirmary with Chef right now, so they'll have to sit out this next challenge."

The scene switched over to the mess hall where Jack was complaining over his tongue and mouth, but everything he said came out as garbled trash. Eddy was moaning uncomfortably as Chef dabbed alcohol and antivenin into his wounds. "Can yah dab a little softer, why don't cha? I thought you were a cook."

"I'm also a doctor for nine bucks an hour." Chef replied. Jack spat out more gibberish, apparently trying to ask for Chef Hatchet's assistance. "I'll get to you as soon as I'm done with this wimp!"

"Hey, I'm not a wimp." Eddy argued. Chef smiled evilly, and jabbed the alcohol cloth into a deep cut on Eddy. Eddy's face winced in pain. Just before he screamed, the scene switched back to Chris and the desert.

"It's currently one o' three, and your eight hours starts… now!" The teams fled to their surroundings, going off to decide how they could create and purify six gallons of fluids.

A few hours later, Team Peach Creek was well on the road to success. Their map had led them right to the perfect spots to dig up aquifers. Ed dug through the soil with ease. The Double D and May had created a system of passing water up to the others with the jug they'd acquired. Nazz and Lee ran the humidifier, pouring the purified water into clay pots Double D had fashioned. Sarah would drain water from stray cactuses with a spiel while Jimmy would hold the map.

"Just a long hard day working in the sulfur pits," Ed said.

"Big man on duty making me aches," May swooned while eyeing Ed. Ed began to sweat uncomfortably at May's comment.

**Confessional – May:** _"Ed knows he wants me," May swooned. "Who could resist my good looks and charm?"_

**Confessional – Ed:** _"I don't wanna give a Kanker aches. It sounds gross and nasty and icky!" Ed cowered._

After the confessional, the show skipped forward about an hour and half later. "Nazz, Lee, how much water have we processed," Double D called from the bottom of his hole.

"About a gallon or so," Nazz replied. "It's a slow process."

"Who cares," Lee answered. "The other team, don't got a chance at this rate."

"I must say, we're certainly making process." Double D announced.

The show then centered its focus towards the other team. Team Lemon Brook was in a state of dismay, prowling around, trying to find a source of water. Benedict glanced at his watch. "Ten past four, we're most certainly not on a roll."

"All thanks to you," Kevin said. "You and Marie should'a been helping."

"And what's your excuse, tumbling all over Eddy, sending him off to recover." Hope snapped. "He's your teammate, yah know."

"And I look interested?" Kevin replied.

"Plank says, 'All united is better strong.'" Johnny replied. "This guy's a hoot and a half, huh lemon guys?"

"Rolf knows not of lemons," the tall foreigner said. "But Rolf did happen to bring along his pickled octopus cucumber balls." Rolf reached into his pocket and retrieved a handful of puffy blackish balls which smelled of fish oil and rotted garbage. "It is good, yes?" Rolf asked.

"I think I'm gonna heave…" Kevin moaned.

"Check it out Plank," Johnny said to his friend. "Someone actually brought water balloons."

The shots changed over to the Jack and Eddy, lying on tables in the mess hall. Jack's speech was slightly improved, but it was still difficult to make out. Eddy couldn't find a way to lie down comfortably, being rash ridden all over his body. Jack smiled and said, "Looks good on yah," as clearly as he could with his swollen mouth. "So, yah ready to get send home after my team crushes yours in this next challenge?"

"I'm sorry, no speaketh your crazy language." Eddy taunted Jack. "And even if I could, you'd still sound like an idiot with a speech impediment." A fork flew out of nowhere and sunk its prongs into Eddy's arm. "Ah!" Eddy screamed in pain.

"That looks even better," Jack stuttered. The camera cut to static.

At the six hour mark, Team Peach Creek had become unstoppable. They were pumping out water like a systematic machine, all ready collecting nearly ten jars by the end of their venture. "Correlated water collection?" Double D asked.

"About four gallons," Nazz replied. "How about we head back now?"

"Now, but we could still get more," Double D implied.

"Please," Sarah interjected. "With all we have, the other team will be lucky to have a cup of water. Come on Jimmy, let's head back."

"Okay," Jimmy replied eagerly. He grabbed pot of water, then began to sway like a tree branch in the wind. "Ah! Water- is too heavy. Gonna fall! Ah!" Jimmy tumbled over, smashing the pot as his body impacted with the ground, effectively loosing atleast a quarter gallon of water. "Sarah, owwie!" Jimmy cried.

"Jimmy!" Sarah shouted, running towards her wimpy friend. She cuddled the boy like a baby. "Jimmy, speak to me!" Sarah urged.

"Why does gravity do such cruel things to me," Jimmy moaned.

"Great…" Lee complained. "It took us forever to harvest an purify all that water and now it all goes to waste thanks to that punk."

"That brat is messing up our game," May snapped.

"Don't panic people." Double D said. "The rest of us will carry the water, while Sarah and Jimmy can head back separately." The team groaned, muttering 'fine' and 'whatever' as they gathered the clay jars and assorted gear, beginning the trip back to the rickety wooden buildings in the distance.

The shot cut over to Team Lemon Brook, still trudging around for a single sign of water, yet without adequate supplies, they had no idea where to start. Their dowsing rod had been broken earlier by Kevin in his frustration, leaving them without even a simple tool to use. Some of the members of the group had resorted to digging in random spots, trying to discover some revenue of water. With only an hour left, the situation seemed hopeless.

"Me and Plank found something!" Johnny called. Everyone looked over at Johnny, cutting his way through some dirt.

"You found water?" Hope asked eagerly.

"Nope," Johnny answered. "A can. Plank says it held juice, but I think it held soda."

"For crying out loud," Marie ripped the can from Johnny's hand and chucked it as far as she could. "You're not even focusing. What are you, brain damaged?"

"Why does Rolf toil with such tomfoolery?" Rolf yelled unexpectedly. "Rolf has no more pity for such endeavors. Using an ancient tracking technique from the old country, Rolf shall find water without assistance of what-cha-ma-call-it doohickeys."

Rolf began sniffing the ground like a lost dog, searching for food. He began crawling across the ground, sending his mind into an animal like state as he hunted for water like a wild creature. Team Lemon Brook could only stare in shock and disbelief.

Johnny held Plank up to his ear. "I agree with yah, buddy," Johnny nodded. "He's lost it."

"Wow, this is how you know we suck." Kevin muttered. "Man we've sunk low."

"Might as well make sure he doesn't get lost." Hope suggested. The six remaining began to follow Rolf, as he scouted his way across the sands.

"At this rate, we should very well pick who's going home." Benedict said, sorting his money as usual. "It's of no use anymore to carry notions that we might arise victorious. As for me, I'd gladly ship that hoodlum Eddy off these premises."

"Wow, never thought me and Mr. Well-Off would have something in common," Kevin stated.

"I refuse to think like that!" Hope argued. A quick confessional of Hope came on screen.

**Confessional – Hope:** _"If it does come to us voting someone off, that jerk Kevin is gonna be out of here in a heartbeat."_

"Plank says Marie should get the boot," Johnny stated.

"Well I say Plank should get a nail!" Marie hissed.

"You wouldn't," Johnny cried defensively.

"Try me," Marie boasted.

Before the situation could turn any uglier, the six contestants noticed that their teammate Rolf had stopped and was now sniffing the ground below. "Ah-hah…" Rolf mused. He clumped up a handful of dirt and threw it into his mouth, much to the disgust of his group. "Rolf is successful!" Rolf then proceeded to claw away the dirt. Like a human bulldozer, he cleared the dirt in a heartbeat. All those years on the farm had really toughened up the strange child.

Finally, the clumps of dirt stopped rising. Rolf called up from his freshly dug hole, "Feast your eyes, fellow children of the citrus gathering!" The other members of Team Lemon Brook came forward and peered down into hole, only to be stunned by what they saw.

"Whoa…" Marie gaped, stunned.

"I don't believe it." Hope uttered.

In the pit, Rolf stood in what had to be enough water to fill a small swimming pool. At least three times the required amount of what they needed. "I think we have enough water to crush those Peach dweebs, huh guys?" Kevin asked sarcastically.

"It still needs to be purified, yah idiot." Marie reminded him.

"We can run the water through the guys' shirts." Hope suggested. "It should remove most of the contamination, to a degree."

"And how do we carry a water supply like this back to the place of our staying?" Benedict asked.

"Johnny could weave us some baskets out of the brush, right Johnny?" Hope asked her teammate.

"Plank and I could weave a house outta this debris, right buddy," Johnny replied.

"Okay, good." Hope said. "We might just have a chance then." The shot then faded out of scene.

About an hour later, Chris was sitting comfortably on his beach chair with Chef fanning him with a leaf and Eddy and Jack by his sides. They waited patiently to see which team would return first.

**Confessional – Eddy:** "You see, Jack and I made an off screen bet about who would win." Eddy explained. "I won't reveal too much, just get ready to see Mr. Athletic Guy get totally humiliated."

**Confessional – Jack:** "Be sure to have your T.V. on record because the humiliation is about to begin."

The confessionals seized as the first team glimpsed over the horizon, approaching ever closer as they carried their large buckets of water towards the camp area. As they came into full view, Jack cheered with joy and Eddy's face fell. It was Team Peach Creek.

"I think we know what you have to do tonight," Jack jeered.

"Hey! It's not over until my team comes back!" Eddy protested. A quick confessional came into airwaves.

**Confessional – Eddy:** "I am gonna kill Kevin!" Eddy's face was red, sweaty, and steaming with rage. "When I find that -ing -head I'm gonna beat the living - out of his -ing face and rip him to shreds, that little -." By this point, the censors had come into play, and the tape ended for discretion of younger viewers.

As the show returned, another sight dipped on the horizon. It looked like a large wasp nest, yet it clearly had an opening at the top. "What the heck is that?" Jack mumbled.

"Is that Team Lemon Brook?" Chris mused.

The bowl like object became even more visible as it approached closer to the camp area. When it was fully distinguishable, the reactions of Eddy and Jack swapped. Eddy began cheering wildly for his team, while Jack hung his head in defeat.

Team Lemon Brook had returned with an eight foot tall woven bowl, containing three or even four times the required gallons of water needed for the challenge. It took the six humans on the team to lift the containment case and carry it back to the wooden homes in the center of the desert.

The group rested the bowl down before the host and gave a confident smile. "Twenty gallons," Hope stated. "All of which is pure and refreshing. Here, try it." She handed the host a glass of their collected water. Chris tentatively sipped it, before giving them a confident smirk.

"Team Lemon Brook is the winner." Chris elated. The winning team gave a cry of power and victory, while the others gave stares of anger, disappointment, and sadness.

About an hour later during dinner, Team Peach Creek was in deep thought, musing over whom to send packing as they choked down Chef's Leak Water Cabbage Salad. Jack came to dinner in one of Sarah's outfits; a pink tank top with ill fitting blue shorts. His fiasco earned him looks of distaste, laughter, and surprise. The clothes barely fit him and his pride was beyond damaged.

"I didn't know there were five girls on our team," Lee laughed.

"Zip it!" Jack snapped "Okay, my look aside, who do you think should go home."

"It's only fair to give the boot to the person we feel will be of no use in future challenges." Double D stated.

"Well that rules out you, dude," Nazz complied. "If it wasn't for Double D, we wouldn't have even had a shot at winning this challenge."

"Well what about you?" Sarah asked Nazz. "You didn't do practically anything."

"Um, I was the one hauling buckets, K'?" Nazz defended herself.

"I don't think she did anything wrong." Jack agreed. "It was just a bad challenge for her, nothing for her skills."

"Well what about you then?" Sarah questioned Jack. "You've been gone half the day for an itsy bitsy burned tongue, and now you steal my clothes."

"Shut it!" Jack yelled.

"You haven't exactly been helpful either, kid." Lee stated. "You wimped out every time Curly-Cue needed some special assistance."

"Yah, where's your alibi?" May asked.

"Hey! Jimmy was hurt." Sarah argued. "He's younger and frailer than the rest of you! That's my alibi."

"Okay, so what's Jimmy's excuse?" Jack asked. Everyone turned to Jimmy, freaking the brace faced child out.

"Sarah, they're all staring at me." Jimmy cried, resting his head in her shoulder.

Jack rolled his eyes. "So what do you think Ed?" Jack asked.

"You and baby sister are so cute!" Ed praised.

Jack sighed. "No. I mean about who should be kicked off."

"Baby sister promised me we were gonna be in the final three together with Jimmy," Ed said.

"But what if one of them is eliminated?" Nazz asked.

Ed gave her a puzzled expression. "We'll still be in the finals with lots of gravy, right?" Ed asked. Nazz face palmed.

The shot went to static before shifting over to the Eating Pit of Doom, now completely free of bugs and rodents. The kids sat around the pit on log benches. Chris stood at a podium before the campers, holding a plate of jawbreakers. Chris began by noticing Jack's fashion sense. "Uh… dude- this show is TV-PG, K'?"

"Just get the elimination over with!" Jack snapped.

"Very well," Chris began. "The jawbreaker, a delicious treat which expands your cheeks four fold, but they're more than that in this desert. They represent survival." Chris explained. "You've all cast your votes and made your decisions. I have seven jawbreakers with me people. All but one will receive a jawbreaker. The loser- will be tossed as a sacrifice into the Eating Pit of Doom for the legendary Thunderbird. And once you leave, you are out of the contest."

Double D raised his hand. "Pardon me, Chris, sir- I don't mean to interrupt; but the Thunderbird is nothing more than a myth, derived from ancient Native American folklore. The concept of the Thunderbird was first developed in pueblo tribes in the early years of the America's history. Their idea was more or less that the bird was deity, or god. Not a flying man eating-"

"I don't need a reason to eliminate you," Chris reminded Double D. Double D blushed and went silent. The show went briefly went to the confessional.

**Confessional – Jack:** _Jack wrote Sarah's name into a sheet of paper. "See yah, squirt." Jack sneered, dropping the paper in a locked box._

**Confessional – Double D:** _"I'm terribly sorry for this," Double D apologized as he scribbled Jimmy's name on his paper._

**Confessional – Sarah:** _"This'll teach yah to mess with me and Jimmy." Sarah spat as she voted for Nazz._

**Confessional – Ed:** _Ed looked blankly at his paper, unsure what to write._

"When I call your name, claim your jawbreaker, and your immunity." Chris held up the first jawbreaker and said, "Ed."

Ed jumped out of his chair with glee. "I am the man! Jawbreakers for one and all except for one which is not to be none!" He grabbed his jawbreaker from Chris, shoved it in his mouth, and returned to his seat.

"May," Chris announced.

"Oh boy," May said excitedly. "Another day with big Ed suits me just fine!" She claimed her jawbreaker and sat uncomfortable close to Ed.

"Double D," The intelligent child came up and receive his prize.

"Lee," Lee grabbed her jawbreaker and chewed it with ease like it was gum.

"Jack," the jock gave a confident smile and retrieved his piece of candy.

Chris gave a menacing look to the final three contestants, indicating they were the ones who'd wrapped up the most votes. Chris tentatively waved the second to last jawbreaker, creating suspense and tension among Sarah, Nazz, and Jimmy.

"Nazz," Chris finally announced after a ten second pause. Nazz sighed with relief and retrieved her candy.

Sarah and Jimmy embraced each other in a tight hug. The host spoke. "I have one jawbreaker left- two contestants- so who's it gonna be? Wimpy braces nerd, or girly anger psycho." Jimmy and Sarah were too nervous to comment. Chris waved the jawbreakers before their faces for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, after far too much anticipation, Chris said-

…

…

…

"Sarah."

Sarah turned to towards Jimmy in surprise. The poor boy was on the verge of tears and Sarah felt helpless, having no way to offer him any comfort. "Jimmy. Oh no! I'm so sorry! How could they do this to you?"

"Sarah," Jimmy said. "I'm scared, but… could you- win for me?"

"Of course Jimmy," Sarah replied. "I'll teach my backstabbing team a lesson, just for you, okay."

"Okay!" Jimmy said, nearly forgetting he'd just received terrible news. The blow was returned as Chef snatched Jimmy and carelessly tossed him into the pit, much to the surprise of his team. Jimmy landed violently on the dusty ground. When he regained his footing, he cried up to his friend. "Sarah!"

"Jimmy!" Sarah shouted back.

All of the sudden, a dark shadow passed over the group. A golden feather gently fell with the wind, colliding ominously atop one of the wooden benches beside Double D. Before Jimmy had time to react, a pair of razor sharp talons snatched the boy into the air. The beast was visible to the contestants for a few seconds only, but its presence was much more felt than seen.

The speck flew off into the darkness as Jimmy's screams disappeared with it. "Jimmy!" Sarah called as she chased helplessly after the figure.

Double D too chased after the bird, yelling, "That's a completely unheard of species! I must document its existent! Wait! I need a visual!"

"And so concludes our first elimination," Chris said to the camera. "Which team will get the bad end of the stick next time? Who will be booted off? Will I be sued for multiple accounts of failing to protect an abducted child? Find out next time on Total- Drama- Cul-De-Sac!" The cameras faded to black.

…

Votes:

Double D: (Jimmy)

Ed: (Jimmy)

Nazz: (Sarah)

Jack: (Sarah)

Sarah: (Nazz)

Jimmy: (Nazz)

Lee: (Jimmy)

May: (Jimmy)

Vote Accumulation:

Jimmy – 4

Sarah – 2

Nazz – 2

Elimination Order

Jimmy


	3. From Beneath You We Scream

**Total Drama Cul-De-Sac By: Sounds of Snow**

_Chapter Three: From Beneath You We Scream_

**(A Total Drama classic competitor appears in this episode.)**

Chris smiled into the frame and began to retell the past episodes events. "Previously on Total Drama Cul-De-Sac, our teams dived into a pit of the grossest creatures on the planet to retrieve items for find water in the desert."As Chris spoke, short clips from the last episode where the teams began diving into the bug pit were played. "As our teams headed off into the desert, it was pretty obvious we were all thinking Team Peach Creek would win." Shots of recently mentioned team gathering water were played. "Yet in the end, Rolf's farming and tracking skills won the challenge for Team Lemon Brook. Now that was shocking." Videos centered on Rolf finding the reservoir were shown. "Team Peach Creek made an almost unanimous vote, ousting Jimmy from Total Drama Cul-De-Sac. Man, what a wimp." Jimmy was shown being thrown into the pit. The shot then returned to Chris. "While I'm sure we were all happy to see that brat go first, I'm sure we're just as excited to see who will go next. Find this and more, on… Total- Drama- Cul-De-Sac!"

The opening credits rolled and faded to black. The show reopened with a sleeping Eddy, laying a poorly stuffed mattress on the splintered floor of his dormitory. Covered in a fabric which could only be described as a prison blanket, he rolled over uncomfortably in his sleep, falling harshly onto the floor.

Eddy grumbled as he snapped from his dreams and back into the reality that he was inside a terrible T.V. show. Realizing that today would be the second challenge; Eddy groaned and walked towards the bathroom to shower and freshen up. The restroom was nothing more than a hose protruding from the wall and a large hole which Eddy supposed was the toilet.

"Gee, its Ed's dream bathroom," Eddy moaned sarcastically. "If hose spurted out gravy, ol' lumpy would have it made." The camera cut to static, switching over to the Diary Cam tapes.

**Confessional – Eddy:**_ "Two days too long…" Eddy snarled. "Yesterday was horrible. Old shovel chin tried to kill me in that bug pit and I had to go to that cook for treatment. How much longer am I gonna have to wait to get my money?"_

**Confessional – Ed:** _Ed gave a dopey smile and began to recall his time spent on the show so far. "I had so much fun yesterday. Chris let us go scuba-bugging, and then we got dig a hole, then he gave us jawbreakers, and I didn't have to take a shower! This has gotta be the bestest place in the whole wide world!"_

Eddy scratched his head. The guy's building was empty, save for Ed who was snoring like an animal in the corner. Two minutes ago, they were all asleep as he left for the bathroom, now only Ed remained. Something was off about this.

Eddy wandered over to his friend and shook him violently. Ed blinked and looked up at the tiny kid. "Morning Eddy," Ed answered with a yawn.

"Ed, do you notice anything different with our quarters today?" Eddy asked.

"But I thought our scams never got us cash," Ed responded idiotically.

"I mean about our dorm," Ed angrily clarified.

Ed surveyed his environment, looking around the room, spying all the empty mattresses, void of customers. Ed scratched his head. "Uh…" Ed then shouted, "Ooh! I know! Everyone got a haircut."

Eddy turned beet red and then screamed, "They're missing you dip wad!" Eddy's yell was so powerful, Ed's head vibrated as the sound waves travelled through his ear.

Ed's head stilled. He densely replied, "Maybe their haircuts are so good, they went down the mess hall to brag about."

"That doesn't make-" Eddy paused, believing the obnoxious comment against his better judgment. "Hey! You're right!" Eddy shouted, letting his ego consume him. Eddy clenched his fists and growled in anger. "So they think their hair is so neat and fancy? I'll show those twerps my awesome hair and then they'll be jealous. Come on, Lumpy." Ed ordered.

Ed catapulted off his mattress, still wearing his same clothes from yesterday, and ran off to the mess hall laughing like a numbskull. Eddy followed in pursuit, ready to brag to his fellow competitors.

Much to Eddy's displeasure, no one was in the mess hall either. Not even the girls had shown up for breakfast. Only Ed and Eddy were left. "I don't get it." Eddy groaned. "Where the heck are these guys? I wanted to brag about my hair."

"It's like we're the only two left in the competition," Ed said absentmindedly.

"Maybe that's exactly what's happening!" Eddy shrieked with glee. "I guess ol' Chris musta finally realized he had a star player and left you here, Lumpy, to insure my victory."

"In your dreams, munchkin," Chris snubbed. The man in his early thirties appeared from the kitchen and approached the two Eds. "We didn't eliminate the other contestants. That'd be too easy." The shot shifted over to the confessional.

**Confessional – Chris:** _"Personally, I don't think either of those two stooges will survive past the team challenges," Chris stated. He flashed an eager smiled and blinked his devilish eyes. "But yah gotta love sending two nitwits to do a more qualified man's job."_

"Well then where are they?" Eddy asked.

"They've currently been relocated as part of today's challenge," Chris explained. "Yah see, Chef and I kidnapped the rest of the campers while Eddy was in the bathroom and Ed was sleeping." Chris walked the campers out of the mess hall and into the scorching heat of the desert. "All of the other eleven contestants have been buried far and why across this campground. You two will dig out all of your teammates to get invincibility."

"By ourselves," Eddy yelled, annoyed by Chris' unfair rules.

"Every player you dig up will be allowed to help you in today's challenge." Chris continued.

"But Ed has one less guy to dig up!" Eddy whined.

"Due to your disadvantage, you'll be allowed a shovel." Chris told Eddy, tossing him the digging tool.

"How's this gonna help me?" Eddy asked. "Ed can dig twice as fast as me with his bare hands."

"I am Ed. Better said than red on cold bumper in jed," Ed babbled.

"I think you'll have a slight advantage of brain power," Chris responded.

"Slight?" Eddy said in shock.

"Also, for every kid on your team that you find, you'll have to break open their ten ton containment unit, forged from dark matter steel in area fifty-one." Chris continued.

"It's like you're trying to help Ed win!" Eddy pouted.

"Not my fault you were born with no skills or attributes," Chris said to Eddy. "And I'd hurry if I were you two." Chris forewarned. "Cause we have no idea how long those brats can survive underground." Chris began to laugh hysterically, causing Eddy to cringe slightly. Ed laughed with Chris, no understanding the meaning behind the madness.

"Your challenge begins, now!" Chris yelled. Eddy sluggishly walked out into the campground and grumbling as he dragged his shovel behind him. Ed remained firm in place, giving the hosts a dimwitted stare. "Uh… that means go… now!" Chris explained, pointing to the door.

"But I haven't eaten yet!" Ed complained. "Belly hungry!" The camera quit to the confessional yet again.

**Confessional – Chris:**_Chris sighed and held his hand over his face, a sign he'd given up. "I just had to pick kids. Plenty of teens who'd love to be on this show, but no! Kids would definitely shoot up the ratings." Chris pointed to the camera. "Yah, I'm talking you guy! All those unpaid interns who told me kids were in with the entertainment bizz; I will ruin your lives!"_

Eddy was bluntly shoveling away at the barren soil, scraping the soil away, bit by bit. The moisture free dirt made the digging ten times harder than it needed to be. "When I dig somebody up, they're doing the work." Eddy moaned.

Meanwhile, in the mess hall, Ed munched away at Chef Hatchet's rock hard pancakes. Burnt to a crisp and flavorless as a piece of wood, it would be sure to make any kid barf. Yet Ed seemed to be able to eat anything. He kept piling on the breakfast like nobody's business. "Keep knocking 'em up, Chef; almost as good as my mattress." Ed commented.

Chef cringed, but reluctantly gave the gross boy more flapjacks. "Uh, don't you have something to do? Maybe, digging yo' loved one's up?"

Ed thought for a moment, before replying, "What?" Chef mumbled something which had to be censored.

The show refocused itself back on Eddy, who had just smashed his shovel into a large hollow object. "Ow," a voice resonated from the soil. Eddy began scraping away dirt from hole he'd dug with his hand, gradually unearthing a clear box. Inside, was a terrified sockheaded child still wearing his P.J.s, stuck in a state of hyperventilation.

"Eddy! Eddy, thank goodness! I was kidnapped by that barbaric pastry-cook! He locked me in this prison and left me here for- Eddy wait! What're you doing! No Eddy! Wait!" Eddy began to redeposit dirt back onto his buried friend.

"Sorry sockhead." Eddy briefly apologized. "But I'm in a challenge and I ain't helping the other team."

"Eddy! I'll pay you in jawbreakers! Eddy! EDDY!" Double D's screams were silenced as Eddy reburied his opponent, being careful to remove any traces of his unearthing.

Static engulfed the screen as the shot went back to the dining area. Ed belched and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. He let out a goofy smile and lied back in his chair. Chris and Chef stared at the child, unsure what to think. "Should we tell him, or…" Chris said, not sure what to do.

"I'll get him out there." Chef groaned. Chef strutted over towards Ed and tapped on his shoulder.

"You know you left your whole team out buried in the dusty earth," Chef said in a sweet voice.

"What?" Ed said, not sure what was going on.

Ignoring this, Chef continued. "What's your little sis' gonna say when she hears you left her buried underground?" It took a moment for Ed's brain to fully register that thought, but when it fully hit him, his face broke out into sheer panic.

"No! Sarah! Don't tell mom! Don't tell mom!" Ed took off into a sprint and busted through the doors of the mess hall, scared for his little sibling.

"Hah, what a rube," Chris chuckled.

The cameras went back to Eddy, who was about halfway through his third hole when his shovel clanged against another object. A resonating screech of pain came from the dirt and Eddy excitedly scrapped his way through the sands, hoping he'd finally be able to catch a break. As he lifted away the last bit of gravel and dust, his hopes were crushed.

Inside was a girl with long, grayish black hair. She wore a skimpy bra type shirt, bootie shorts, a light pink lipstick, and appeared to be around eighteen or nineteen. Eddy raised an eyebrow. "Did I just find the fourth, disowned Kanker, or what?" Eddy asked.

"My name is Heather, now let me out!" the woman shrieked as she pounded on her glass walled prison. Though annoyed, Eddy freed the one called Heather, and pulled her out of the newly dug pit.

"Who the heck are you?" Eddy asked in semi-caring manner.

"I already told you, Heather," she reminded him. Eddy was still confused.

"Heather! From Total Dramas Island, Action, and World Tour." She bragged. Eddy still gave her a confused look.

"I had a cameo in the last season," she pouted. Eddy frowned.

"I was practically the star of this freakin' show!" Heather screamed.

"Yah, yah; keep it to yourself." Eddy snubbed her. "I didn't really watch this show before coming onto it. I don't know how being on this show would make you famous."

"I'll have you know, I won season three," Heather proclaimed proudly, hands on her hips.

"Really," Eddy said enviously. "You got a million bucks!"

Heather frowned and moaned in discontent. "You could say that."

"Look, that's fine and dandy, but what are you doing here?" Eddy asked.

"Um, I was kidnapped from my house!" Heather replied, pissed off beyond comprehension. "Is this another one of Chris' stupid challenges?"

"I'm_ 'supposed' _to be finding my team members who're buried under all this dirt." Eddy explained, throwing his arms in the air. "Why the heck did I find you?"

Just like magic, Chris' voice buzzed in across the desert retreat, probably being carried through speakers hidden in the flora, fauna, and structures. "Oh yah, some of the objects we buried are duds, meant to waste your time and energy. We've enclosed a range of people, objects, and miscellaneous doodads. Ha, ha, hah!" Chris laughed. "Did I forget to mention that?" Eddy and Heather's mouths fell in shock and anger.

The camera cut to the whale carcass, playing clips of Eddy and Heather.

**Confessional – Eddy:** _"Are you kidding me? I wasted my time digging up some reality has-been who lost all their money over god knows what crazy scandal? That's just not fair."_

**Confessional – Heather:** _"I got dragged out here for one of Chris' stupid challenges. You know what; I'm charging him and that psycho chef for kidnapping, forced entry, and a making mockery of my good looks and time!"_

Ed came into focus, plowing through the dirt near the edge of the set like a one man construction team. "I will find you baby sister, even if I must plow through all of the mountains and valleys and mobs of paparazzi!"

"Ed!" Sarah voice penetrated the sound barrier, colliding with Ed's ear.

"Baby sister!" Ed screamed with relief. He began digging on the spot where he was standing. He heard more of her cries. "It's okay Sarah, I am right above you."

"Ed!" By this point, Ed had tunnel about fifteen feet into the sandy landscape. He popped his head from his handiwork and saw beside the holes: Sarah.

"Sarah," Ed proclaim happily. He jumped from the pit and wrapped his arms around his younger sibling.

"Get off me, Ed!" Sarah choked as Ed squeezed her. Ed bluntly released her and she fell to the ground with a thud.

"Oh baby sister, I am so happy that you are okay," Ed commented.

"I dug myself out twenty minutes ago," Sarah replied. "What the heck is going on here?"

"It's a challenge. We have to find all the seekers who are hiding like bugs in a rug under slugs." Ed poorly explained.

"So we're digging our team up from this dehydrated sand pit?" Sarah replied bluntly.

"Yep," Ed grinned. Sarah sighed.

**Confessional – Sarah:** _"This show is grinding my gears."_

The quick confessional flashed away and skipped over to a shot of Chris. "We've installed hidden cameras inside each of our caskets of terror. Let's see how our fellow children are doing in their contained environments." Chris snickered.

The shot went over to a wide screen picture, showing Johnny and Plank in a dark, dank environment. "Yowzers, Plank! You sure do help make the time pass with your wallop packing stories." Johnny held the wooden board to the side of his head. "Aw, don't worry buddy. I'm sure Chef is coming back to dig us up any minute."

The camera switched over to Nazz who was using a nail filer to chisel away at her wooden coffin. Kevin was shouting strong obscenities which had to be filter with three different types of censors. Lee was busy punching the crud out of her prison.

Rolf was off his rocker, believing that he was killed by _'jealous smart Double D Ed-boy doppelganger girl' _in his sleep and was reincarnated as a vegetable seed. Now Rolf was trying to get in touch with his _'roots of the earth'_. "Rolf hopes that a farmer of the old country will prune his leaves with gentle care and feed him to his livestock, as Rolf will make them strong, like Rolf was in his all too short, tragically slain by a Ed-boy clone, life." Rolf rambled. "But who is complaining? Shrubbery of the vine bears many fruit for the noblest of men, and Rolf's edibility will provide great nourishment for those of the old country. Rolf can hardly bear his anticipation."

"Oh, big Ed," May called from her cell. "Who wants to come and save a lovely hunk of me?"

Hope waited calmly. She'd by now figured out this entrapment was all part of Chris and Chef's wicked plan so she relaxed her breathing and waited for one of her teammates to rescue her.

Jack was slamming his body into the sides of coffin, trying to shatter the wood and dig his way from his prison. "I'm gonna kill Chris." Jack sputtered. "I better be outta here in ten mintues or god, help me I'll…"

The camera beamed away to a confessional, supposedly taped after the challenge occurred, as it featured Jack.

**Confessional – Jack:** _"So I didn't get out past the twenty minute point I was hoping." Jack explained. "No big. I was totally fine down there."_

Fading back to Jack in his casket, he was crying and desperately yelling for an escape. Tears of anxiety flowed down his face as he screamed for Team Peach Creek.

**Confessional – Jack:** _"I think I handled this challenge well."_

Marie was clawing at her wooden dungeon, using her long red nails like carving tools. "Ow!" Marie shrieked as her pulled her left hand from the wood. She carefully examined her fingers. "I broke a nail you stupid host!" Marie yelled.

Inside Double D's prison, he was busy hyperventilating, stuck in a state of paranoia and he randomly shouted college level equations for no reason. Benedict was trying to pick up a cell phone signal.

The shot went back to Chris, snickering at the misfortune of those buried. "Wow, I would hate to be in there shoes. Meanwhile, Eddy is finally making some progress."

The show moved focus over to Eddy who was busy digging yet another pit. He was drenched in sweat, sunburned, and visibly tired. He scooped another clump of dirt from the ground and tossed into the blaring sun. Eddy squinted, noticing beige object in the sands. There was no sound of struggle, so Eddy wasn't sure it was a coffin, but he continued to shovel the sand away, nevertheless.

He began scrubbing away the dirt away, uncovering yet another human in a box. Hope was still, relaxed as rested her head against the bottom of her prison. She opened her eyes, noticing the fresh sunlight. "Oh, hello," Hope smiled. "I was wondering when one of you guys would appear."

"Finally, I found somebody!" Eddy groaned, yet still somehow managing to sound exhilarated.

"I take it this is a challenge?" Hope asked expectedly.

"Yah," Eddy replied, opening up her casket and pulling her out. "We gotta find all the others on our team. They're buried all over the freaking camp."

Hope nodded, standing straight. "How many people from Team Peach Creek have been dug up?" she asked.

"I think just Sarah," Eddy replied. "But at the speed Ed's going, we may not have a chance."

"Don't think that way," Hope said. "If we just work together than we can-"

"Can what?" Eddy interrupted. He pointed to the two siblings at the other side of the camp. "Look at them!" Ed was busy using his mouth to scoop of piles of dirt like a construction crane and Sarah was making great time to as she pried at the hard, rocky soil with her hands. "Do you think we can compete with that?" Eddy asked her.

"Not with your attitude, we can't." Hope sighed.

The camera went to static, beaming away to the confessional.

**Confessional – Sarah:** _"My brother's an idiot, but with him there's no way we can lose this challenge."_

**Confessional – Ed:** _"I like this stuff," Ed said with a mouthful of dirt and maggots. "Now I know why Chef makes such a yummy stew."_

**Confessional – Chef Hatchet:** _Chef shrugged. "Can't really argue with the kid," Chef told the audience. "With our budget, these brats are lucky to get one portion of real food a week."_

The camera went back to Ed who was still moving dirt at the speed unmatched by any construction site. Ed spit about half the dusty earth in his mouth, chewing and swallowing the rest of it, and went back to excavating. Ed stuck his face into the trench he was making once more and felt his teeth smash into a glassy, fragile surface. Ed clenched his mouth tightly and straightened back up.

Held up by his powerful jaws was another glass case, containing the boy known as Double D. The child was past the point of scared and looked about ready to pass out. His breathing was sporadic and sounded like a panting dog. "Hi-yah Double D," Ed said in a muffled voice with his mouth tightly attached to the casing.

"Ed! Let me out! I can't take it! This goes against every law of humanity and justice which I can bare to describe!" Double D pleaded.

"Okey dokey Double D," Ed replied. He violently chomped on the glass, shattering the entire coffin, letting Double D fall to the ground with a thwack! "There yah go, snug like kid with an internal head injury."

**Confessional – Double D:** _With a doctors mask and gloves on to protect him from the germs of the whale carcass, Double D blew out into a full on rant. "That challenge was abhorred! I was stuck down there for at least three hours. The cluster phobia was bad enough, but I was rescued and then left to perish by own best friend, Eddy! This show is shredding me to bits and pieces!"_

Eddy and Hope watched solemnly as Team Peach Creek rescued Double D, followed by Lee and Jack, the latter of which was trying to cover his red, tear stained face. Eddy and Hope chuckled at the sight.

"What's your problem tough guy?" Lee asked. She cocked smile. "A few hours alone ain't softening you up, are they?" she cooed.

"What, no!" Jack persisted, wiping his eyes. "It was getting stuffy down there."

"I'm sure." Lee appeared to be rolling her eyes under her swampy, red hair. "So what's going on here? This some kinda joke?"

"One of Chris' abhorred challenges." Double D replied. "He's making us dig for companions who've been buried alive against their will!"

"Is that all?" Lee asked. "You guys make it sound like we're walking on fire or something."

"Who's here?" Jack questioned his team.

"We still have to find Nazz and May," Sarah spat. "Wish we'd found you last." She whispered.

**Confessional – Sarah:** _"I know that Jack either voted for me or Jimmy last night. He's dead! I'll be honest, I hate my whole team right now."_

The two members of Team Lemonbrook looked with disappointed eyes at their sorry progress. They'd yet to find anyone else, much to Eddy's disappointment and fear. Eddy, knowing Kevin would attempt to frame him for the downfall of the challenge, turned to Hope in desperation. "Look," Eddy said sternly to her. "Kevin's going to try and nail this whole mess to me."

Hope nodded. "All the same, you won't be eliminated."

Eddy raised an eyebrow. "If he can convince at least four people, he might." Eddy told her.

Hope shook her head. "You'll be fine. This team won't suffer any losses this challenge."

"Listen, I think the two of us can make it the final three." Eddy proposed. "Yah wanna be a team? No one's around to hear us."

Hope looked over at Eddy and thought deeply. "How do you plan to make it to the finale?"

"I've got a strategy, I'll tell you about it later," Eddy replied. "Just insure that I survive this ceremony and I'll tell you."

"How do you know we'll lose?" Hope asked.

The sound of glass breaking interrupted the two's conversation. "Ow!" a high pitched voice screamed. "There's glass in my arm," the unearthed blonde groaned, as she was lifted from the box with the help of Jack and Ed. Double D began to gently dab an alcohol swab on to Nazz's cuts while carefully pulling out the glass with tweezers.

Nazz winced. "Sorry Nazz," Double D apologized.

"Crybaby," Lee snickered.

"Can it, Kanker dude," Nazz retorted.

With this new addition, Team Peach Creek was now six and Team Lemon Brook was two. "Are you not seeing this?" Eddy snapped, pointing over at the opposite team. "They're stacking up like my detentions."

Hope paused.

**Confessional – Hope:** _"An alliance with someone like Eddy is risky," Hope admitted. "But I've assessed the situation carefully. I know enough about Eddy that I should be able to tell by his mannerisms if he intends to betray me. Also, I've watch previous seasons of this show before, so I do know crafty people like Eddy make it particularly far in Total Drama. Notable examples include Alejandro, Heather, Duncan, Scott and Courtney."_

The confessional transitioned back to Hope who nodded. "Alright, it's an alliance then." She held out her hand. Eddy shook bluntly.

"Yah, yah; handshakes…" Eddy grumbled. "So you're gonna keep me from getting eliminated, right?"

"I've told you once, you will not be cast out if we lose," Hope promised. Eddy groaned and none too gently shoved his shovel blade into his recently dug hole. A sharp smashing sound emanated with his blade. Eddy and Hope turned towards the hole.

"What the-" Eddy said, but was interrupted by another voice.

"Good god, there's glass and dirt on my sleeping attire," a stern voice groaned. "My robe must be pressed and ironed and I must have my night shirt and pants dry cleaned and foam scrubbed." The voice changed its direction to Hope and Eddy. "Whoever you are, you're paying for the damages to my dressings."

"Benedict?" Hope said with confusion.

"Oh, it's you," Benedict groaned. "Just when I thought you were civilized, you go and damage my neatly prepared bed wear. I guess wealth and manners go hand in hand."

"Hey fancy pants, we don't have to dig you dig you out." Eddy sneered.

"Oh don't you, you conning simpleton?" Benedict replied. "I've got sixteen lawyers on speed dial, and believe me; they would be more than happy to help me take you to court for false entrapment."

The two kids groaned and scraped away the dirt from atop the glass case, snapping to top off the coffin. "Hey! Clear away more the landscape. There's more dirt falling on my dress wear." Benedict complained.

"Shut up Richie Rich!" Eddy growled.

The two yanked the kid from the containment box, and forced him onto the desert ground. "Ugh! How unprofessional; as expected from naïve children." Benedict snubbed. "My own team going and burying me for sport; how enlightening."

"It's Chris' challenge." Hope told the rich boy. "We have to find the rest of our teammates. Are you going to help or what?"

"Fools, asking rhetorical questions," Benedict said flatly. He took a pile of money from his pajamas and began counting through the bills. "If you'll excuse me, I must change into my business attire. Unlike some of us," Benedict said, referring to Hope.

Hope frowned and watched as the coldhearted child walked back to the male's dorms. "Gee, who fed him sour milk?" Eddy asked metaphorically.

Team Peach Creek was once again taking the lead. Like in the last challenge, they were well ahead of their rivals; except this time they were determined to keep themselves from losing at the last minute. Jack assumed the position of leader like in the last challenge. With Ed, Lee, and Sarah on digging duty, he had Double D and Nazz scouting locations which Chris and Chef could've possibly buried contestants.

**Confessional – Jack:** _"We're not losing again." Jack persisted. "We just need to find May." Jack leaned back against one of the whale ribs. "I know it looks like I'm not doing much, but really I'm just playing these saps. They take me as their leader and do all the work for me. I'm set in stone until the merge. But when that happens, I'll just find an alliance from the remnants of Team Peach Creek."_

Jack approached Lee, Ed, and Sarah. "Status report on finding May," Jack ordered.

"I found this case full of bottle caps," Ed reached into his pocket and showed him several types of soda tops. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Jack face palmed. "We're looking for May, remember?"

Ed went pale. "I don't want to find May. Ah!" Ed began to run off, scared to death by the sound of the Kanker's name.

Jack sighed heavily. "Oh my god…" He looked at the curly haired Kanker. "Please tell me you've found her."

"No! Now quit asking me." Lee growled. "I'll tell if we find my halfwit sister."

The sports enthusiast turned to Sarah. "What about-" a dumbbell flew at the jock's face. Jack felt his eye swell up and his nose run with blood. "What the heck was that?" Jack snarled.

"Oops," Sarah said unsympathetically. "Just trying to show you what I found so far."

"So you throw a twenty five pound weight at my-" he felt another weight catch him in the shoulder. Jack collapsed on the ground in pain.

"The casket came with two dumbbells." Sarah informed him.

Meanwhile in the males' dormitory, Benedict straightened his tie and put on the finishing touches to his crisp and clean suit. He put on sunglasses over his pale face, adding a sense of professionalism and confidence to his look. Benedict smiled to himself in the mirror, and found himself oddly hungry.

The wealthy child walked over to his window. Outside, his two pathetic teammates were desperately trying to outmatch their far superior rival team. The whole lot of them looked ridiculous, clothed in sleeping attire (with the exception of Ed and Eddy). Benedict groaned and looked at his watch. It was nearly five. He knew Chris would not allow them to eat unless one team had succeeded in the challenge.

Benedict walked over to his lumpy floor mattress and pulled up and edge of one of the floorboards near his bed. He reached into the hole and pulled up a small, boxy looking device.

**Confessional – Benedict:** _"I wouldn't just come on this show without stashing an emergency cell phone. Father would never just let me withdraw, but I should have some advantages to getting my way on this show. It seems a bit early to be using it, but I'm not going to wait any longer for supper."_

The well off child flipped through contacts, selecting one which said 'Father.' He clicked the button and held the phone to his ear. The dial tone buzzed for a few seconds. "Yes? Father- … No, I'm not calling to eject from the competition, as much as I'd like too. … I need help. … I just need you to send some men out there and unbury at least one of those dimwitted children. … I don't know if it's cheating, but- … I'm not waiting any longer for supper! Just make it happen!" With that final statement, Benedict hung up and waited for a response.

Half an hour went by, and still no answer was hindered, until a chopper was faintly heard in the background. Benedict smiled at his handiwork.

Outside, both teams were confused by the noise. In the distance, they could see a helicopter approaching the campsite. The black dot began to grow larger and larger on the horizon. "What the heck is going on?" asked Sarah.

"Perhaps the Canadian government has come to detain Chris again," Double D pondered.

"Wouldn't that be a miracle…?" Nazz said.

The chopper flew in over the camp and began to hover over the campsite. Two men in black repelled from the copter and using what appeared to be sonar watches, wandered over the camp in search of something. They stopped about three feet from the mess hall, appearing to be interested in a piece of ground near the building.

One man took out a strange looked gun and took aim at the ground. He fired, and the soil from the top of the ground to maybe four feet down was vaporized instantaneously. The next man used a grappeling hook and fired into the hole. He reached down and plucked a child from the pit. The two then raced back to their ropes, climbed into the helicopter, and flew into the distance within three minutes flat.

**Confessional – Double D:** _"I suspect foul play. Even though we won, it wasn't truly a fair win." Double D scratched his chin, careful not to push his doctor's mask away. "I know only one person with the resources and capability to pull off such a heist."_

**Confessional – Jack:** _Jack shrugged. "Works for me…"_

**Confessional – Lee:** _"Just when I thought the government was finally here to take my idiot sister, they leave her behind. What a rip."_

**Confessional – Ed:**_ Ed was crying profusely, upset by the recent events of the challenge. "It's not fair. The government took E.T. away, and instead they leave me May!" Ed continued to sob._

The teams were astonished. May, who was the child retrieved from the pit, was confused most of all. "Like, what in the world was that?"

"Benedict," muttered Hope under her breath so no one would hear.

"I have no idea what just happened, but I'd say that Team Peach Creek was the first to unearth all their teammates." Chris surmised. "Team Peach Creek wins!" Jack, Double D, Nazz, Sarah, Lee, May, and Ed broke out into cheers.

If that wasn't insulting enough, Rolf, Kevin, and Marie burst out of the ground mere seconds after Team Peach Creek's victory was announced.

Rolf pulled himself out of the ground, emerging proud and victorious. "Rolf has emerged from his see-through fruit pod and is ready to spawn gifts for the Earth." Rolf double checked himself and looked at his skin. "Curses!" Rolf exclaimed. "Rolf had been bamboozled by the tomfoolery witchcraft of film box men once more."

Kevin popped his head out the ground. He tried to fully force himself out, but the dirt had trapped him in cocoon of sand and rubble. "Hey! Is somebody gonna get me outta here or what, man!"

Marie stared at her surroundings and she clawed her way from the dirt. Around her were condemning sights: Hope and Eddy staring blankly at the ground, Team Peach Creek cheering with glee, Chris standing near Team Peach Creek. "Uh… did I miss something here?" Marie asked.

**Confessional – Marie:** _"How did we lose a challenge already? What the heck is going on?"_

About three hours later, seven kids (now in actual clothes instead of P.J.s) and the hunk of wood known as Plank sat around the Eating Pit of Doom. Johnny and Plank had been the last to be dug up, found by Chef. The two had been buried below the ribcage confessional.

Chris stood before the ominous pit on a podium, holding a plate with seven jawbreakers. "I'll be honest; I totally expected to see you guys here." Chris told the contestants. "But come on, government agents!" Chris began to laugh. "That is rich." The kids did no laugh with Chris, returning him blank stares.

"Kill joys," Chris muttered. He held the plate of candy high. "And now, it's the most judgmental time of the day. It's time to each take a trip to the confessional, and vote…"

**Confessional – Eddy:** _"Time to get rid of you, before you get rid of me." Eddy wrote down Kevin's name and roughly shoved it into the ballet box._

**Confessional – Kevin:**_ "You cost us the challenge, Dorky." Kevin said; clearly unaware of the events that transpired while he was buried. "You're going down, man." He wrote Eddy's name down._

**Confessional – Hope:** _"You have fooled everyone but me." She scribbled Benedict's name on a piece of paper. "Whether you trying to help us or not, I will not stoop to a cheater's level."_

**Confessional – Marie:**_ "I'm not going to waste my time with a hunk of wood." Marie inscribed 'Plank' onto the paper._

"Um… we only got seven votes." Chris looked down at Plank. "Yah know what, forget it. We have enough votes to eliminate someone." Chris began his usual speech. "I have seven jawbreakers with me on this plate." Chris explained. "When I call your name, come up and claim your sweet. For you will be safe. If you do not receive one, you will be cast into the Eating Pit of Doom, as a sacrifice to the legendary Thunderbird." He held up a candy. "The first jawbreaker goes to Hope."

"Why thank you," Hope said to Chris and her team. "I'm flattered to feel needed, but I'm full, really." Chris shrugged and threw the Jawbreaker into the pit.

"No!" Eddy yelled. "That candy was still good!" he moped.

Chris ignored him. "Next is Johnny."

"Can yah believe it buddy," Johnny asked his wooden friend. "I'm safe!" He ran up to Chris and snatched his jawbreaker. "And to think I was going paranoid all this time over this thing. You were right, Plank. Just vote for who you say and it'll be cinch."

"Rolf." Rolf took his candy and sat back in his seat.

"The son of a Sheppard is amused." Rolf commented. "He receives a candy from the film box gnomes as a sign of retribution for their pranks. Ho ho! Such merriment."

"Marie." The girl took her sweet and delightfully sucked on it.

Chris looked at the four remaining campers. "I don't know how to say this, but the rest of you each got one at least vote." Chris announced. Eddy, Kevin, and Benedict went wide eyed. "I know; it's shocking. I think it's the most diverse vote we've ever had with half of the group getting at least one vote."

Chris grabbed another jawbreaker. "The next person in is… Benedict." The fancy boy took his candy and ate it as he computed stock market values with a pocket calculator.

"Kevin." Chris continued. Kevin grinned menacingly at Eddy and took his jawbreaker from Chris.

"I only have one jawbreaker left." Chris said. "This must've been a hard decision, a hunk of wood or a con artist." He tentatively waved the last candy above his head. Eddy began to sweat while the inanimate board lied there, as expected. "Two useless cronies, with no special attributes… must've been a touch choice."

"Hey!" Eddy ran up to Chris and grabbed his shirt with fury. "At least I'm alive. That's gotta count for something!"

Chris nodded. "It does, but…" McClain paused for emphasis.

…

…

…

"That's probably the only reason why you're in." He dropped the jawbreaker in Eddy's hand. The boy smirked and returned to seat confidently, completely forgetting he'd almost been kicked off.

"No!" Johnny screamed. "Not Plank!" He gripped his wooden friend with a sad desperation. "Don't take him. What'd he ever do to you?" Chef Hatchet stalked forward and snatched the board from the hippie's hands and threw the object into the pit.

The smiley faced board never hit the ground, as a streak of gold instantaneously kidnapped the falling wood and the lone jawbreaker that lay on the floor of the pit. Johnny screamed in agony as the silhouette of the legendary bird crossed the moon, taking with it food and nest material. Johnny was helpless.

"If you were expecting that, then you're not alone." Chris announced to the camera. "So… what will become of Eddy and Hope's alliance? What will become of Johnny's sanity without Plank? What will happen to Jack's reign over his team? What will I do next to torture this poor group of kids? Find out next time on Total- Drama- Cul-De-Sac!"

…

Votes:

Johnny: (Eddy)

Eddy: (Kevin)

Kevin: (Eddy)

Marie: (Plank)

Benedict: (Plank)

Hope: (Benedict)

Plank: (N/A)

Rolf: (Plank)

Vote Accumulation:

Plank – 3

Eddy – 2

Kevin – 1

Benedict – 1

Elimination Order

Jimmy, Plank

**…**

**(I know Heather didn't win in the Canadian version. Personally, I liked it better when she won over Alejandro, so I'm going with that continuity for this story.)**

**(Also, after reading the story, Total Drama Tween Tour, I've decided to add a voting chart after every chapter. I've added one to the previous chapter, so that's something to go back and see. Finally, I've added more confessionals and various edits to chapters one and two, so you might want to check those out as to get a better feel of the story.)**


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